Stop Fixing People

I'm adding this link to a very interesting & informative article from Psychology Today. It's called "Stop Fixing People," What to do when your brilliant ideas aren't helping.

This link was shared by my brilliant colleague Deb Stanley. It is well worth your time to read. Please let me what you think of this article & if it's helped you or not.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/wander-woman/201103/stop-fixing-people

Pain Management & Managing Expectations

O.K. As I have said in the past, I haven't kept up with blogging, but my intention is to be more diligent about writing concise, important blogs that either inspire, share important info to help all that read this blog & for me to gain a sense of accomplishment, which I don't feel currently. The feeling of accomplishment will happen when I put in the time & research needed to create a successful blog, which is my intention.

The point I want to make here about pain management is as follows. In the past month, I've had back surgery two times. The first time was to fix a herniated disk at L5, S1 on March 1st. This disk herniated due to a car accident that I was in at the beginning of November.

We had rain that morning, so the roads were wet. I was driving home from my afternoon client & a car hydroplaned in front of me & I had to hit him head on. What saved my life was my seat belt, the airbag & the guardrail that stopped my car from falling into the canyon, since I was driving on a canyon road. I hit the other car two times & then slammed into the eastbound guardrail. The driver's side window imploded onto me with a million pieces of glass hitting any part of my left side that wasn't covered by clothing. The car was totaled, especially the left side of my car which was smashed in & my left foot, ankle & leg were crushed. The EMT had to cut me out of the car. I had experienced internal damage due to the seat belt & the force of hitting the airbag at a very high speed. And I was incredibly fortunate to not have way more severe injuries. I sustained soft tissue damage to my foot, ankle & leg. I knew that my back was injured, but it wasn't till the beginning of January that my back herniated. The neuro surgeon explained that this wasn't uncommon for a car accident victim; the delay of injury & the inevitable health issues that followed.

The neuro surgeon performed a diskecomy on the 1st of March, which was a Tuesday. By Thursday, my head was hurting so bad that I couldn't stand up for longer than 15 minutes at a time. I called the doctor & they wanted me to go back to the hospital last Friday. They performed a blood patch to stop the flow of spinal fluids from leaking out. What they didn't know at the time, even with an MRI & CT scan was that there was a tear in my spinal columns covering. This wasn't discovered until this past Friday. So they had to repair the tear & sew me up again. Consequently, I had to stay in the hospital again for the weekend. The nurses & techs were surprised to see me again & gave me the excellent care that I received at St. David's hospital in downtown Austin last weekend.

So where does the pain management & expectations come into play? After having another surgery & being setback another week made me feel like that time was taken from me & my clients. I'm so committed to my clients that there are times that I have to remind myself that I come first, then George my husband, Louie (our new puppy) & family & friends come after that. But also there are times that I've put my clients before myself & that is never a smart thing to do, no matter how committed I am. With that kind of thinking, I would have to question my reasons for putting others before myself. I'm not a martyr, foolish with my emotions & I have a strong sense of appropriate boundaries, so I had to re-evaluate my actions & nothing puts more clarity & understanding in the forefront like excruciating pain & the possibility of continued pain if I didn't put myself first, especially in this situation.

What I also realize is to be realistic with my expectations of how long it might take to heal & the critical choices I have to make to protect my back & not re-injuring myself. This lesson of letting go & letting others care for me is a very important lesson. I've learned over time that myself & some of my professional organizing colleagues & friends have a difficult time asking for help or letting others help. We have to unlearn certain things like accepting help graciously from others. Also, managing expectations is critical to a healthful, happy existence. It's something I share all the time with my clients & realize how important this advice is for me too. Please share your views. They're greatly appreciated.