Reducing Your Stress - Part 2

Here are additional ways to decrease your stress:

Music. Playing music is good for the soul. Play something upbeat and fun to dance to when you’re cleaning house or need to work on a project. Check out Lady Gaga’s The Game, a dance record that gets you moving. There are times when you have to dance. If you need to relax, put on something dreamy and relax.

Find Your Funny Bone. One way to reduce stress is to stop reading newspapers and watching TV news. This is really true. Escaping the news headlines and heading for pure fun and escapism is a great way to reduce stress. Also, do not watch the news before going to sleep. This will cause you stress. Turn off the T.V. and turn on the calming music with chimes in the background.

Laughter is definitely the best medicine, and it’s okay to laugh even in bad times. Humor is a good thing, and find your humor wherever you can find it. Here are a few suggestions:

• For political types, check out http://www.cagle.com/. They feature the best political cartoons from around the world.
• TV is a nice short-lived escape. You don’t have to think about anything. Just let those TV rays wash over you. Watching old T.V. series that I grew up with in the 60's & 70's is a real way to escape anything bad. "I Love Lucy" reruns are always good for a laugh.
• Watch your favorite new or old shows on Hulu.com, a FREE website. Check out The Simpsons or the latest Saturday Night Live clips. Need a blast from days when life seemed simpler and less chaotic? Check out The A-Team, The Facts of Life, and Miami Vice. The website adds new series and movies all the time.
• For jokes, check out www.ahajokes.com. Under the one liners category, the site even features gems from Jack Handey’s Deep Thoughts.
• The Fruitcake Lady was a frequent, straight-talking guest on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Search for her clips on YouTube.com, but a warning – the lady is very, very frank and swears a lot so check this out at home without the kids.

Reduce Clutter. Truthfully, reducing clutter and getting more organized does reduce stress. Being able to find things (and not buy a replacement), getting what you want to get done, and having a clean, organized space all makes you feel better about life. By ridding yourself of old things that drag down your energy and spark bad emotions, you are preparing yourself for a brighter future.

Find Some Friends. Spending time with friends is a great way to brighten up your day. We all need time with friends and family, and having face time is much better than bent over your computer screen, scrolling through Facebook every night. Stop hiding out, and get out. Each city has free activities, such as free nights at local museums. The important thing is to spend time together.

I hope that these ideas help you in some way. Any comments?

Power of Positive Thinking

Therapists and ADHD coaches tell ADDers to practice “self-talk.” There is great value in talking to ourselves, assuming that we speak as we would want others to speak to us. Unfortunately, that’s not what typically happens. In revisiting the various events of our lives, it is the 20 percent we did wrong -- not the 80 percent we did right -- that we remember and castigate ourselves about.

No Use Being Negative

The negative words we reserve only for ourselves are counterproductive. Did you know that the unconscious mind does not compute negation in language? That’s right -- the deepest recesses of the mind don’t process the word “no.” Therefore, when we say, “I will not fritter my time away on the computer today,” the words are read as, “I will fritter my time away on the computer.”

And we wonder how we manage to find ourselves, once more, firmly stuck in those black holes. We talk ourselves into them! No amount of “but I said...” changes the fact that we have commanded ourselves to do the very things we want to avoid. And we beat ourselves up over our transgression. What is this telling us about the path we must choose for our positive growth? we must head towards the positive.

The bottom line to all of this is that we are our thoughts. If we think negatively, we will be in a negative state. If we think positive and speak positive, we will be and do the positive. Our intentions are within our powers. Speak the positive and see what happens.

As an ADHD coach, I steer my clients to the positive. If you are interested in ADHD coaching, please contact me at www.ahelpinghandforyou.com.

(Portions of this wonderful article are excerpts from ADDITUDE magazine, Peggy Ramundo, Kate Kelly, Winter 2009.)

We have come to know that parents who are involved in their children's education, play a huge role in their child's success at school and throughout their child's lifetime of successes. If you receive a request or a recommendation that your child might benefit from an ADHD assessment, this can be treated like any other recommendation - ask a lot of questions until you are satisfied that this path suits your child. Keep in mind that although there are still mistakes or abuses in the labeling of ADHD kids, the more important problem is under-diagnosing. A child with undiagnosed ADHD faces a lifetime of challenges that can be mitigated by their parents early intervention. For the latest research, go to www.chadd.org, Children and Adults with Attention Deficit/Hyperactivity Disorder. The CHADD site is a superior resource for parents and children with ADHD. In addition to CHADD, the National Association of Professional Organizers' (NAPO) New York chapter is hosting Sari Solden, who is an ADD psychotherapist and a pioneer on ADD and women. Join Sari Solden on November 7th as she presents "Understanding the Secret World of Women with AD/HD. For more information visit NAPO-NY's site at www.napo-ny.net.

Doing It With Intent-Where are my credit cards???

Well, I have been thinking a lot about the advice I gave my client today regarding "doing things with intent." I know I have discussed intent before, but this time I just want to brush up against the idea of doing something with intent. This will definitely not be the last time I talk about intent either, so get over that!

I go to the store, buy items, get to the cash register and pull out my wallet to pay for the items I just bought. There are a couple of things that could happen here. I could get distracted, drop my wallet, everything spills out, the line gets long, I start worrying about whether I picked up all of my credit cards, money and rolling coins or worry about what all these strangers on this line think of me.

Rule #1, who cares what strangers think? I don't. Rule #2, stop, see where all my money, credit cards and coins just went and retrieve them. Solicit the help of kind strangers to help pick up the rolling coins, #Rule #3, thank everyone for their help, pay bill, leave store with all items safely tucked in wallet and complete and total dignity intact.

Who cares what strangers think, we care about what we think. What does this have to do with intent you ask? Good question. The point is knowing what is in my hand when I whip out the wallet, making sure that I do not rush myself and therefore not pick up my money, etc., not care about the good opinions of others and stop, take a breath, pay my bill, place the wallet and all contents back inside, not rushing and losing more stuff, not caring that the check-out line has to wait an extra minute or two for me to compose myself, stash the cash and happily take my purchase out with me.

Knowing what I have in my hand at all times is about intent. It's about not just moving through life without being plugged into that life. It is about living in the now, really. It's about enjoying the heck out of this NOW!!! It is also being in control of what is in my hand and taking responsibility for where that item goes next.

The Power of a Mom's Love

Michael Phelps was recently in the news again breaking another swimming world record, in the butterfly.

His story has a powerful message that all parents who have children with ADHD need to take wind of and integrate into their families. It is the power of love and belief in others. It is the power of one person, his Mom, to see only the good in her son. When everyone else saw problems, it was the power of one mother to see possibilities. This was the result of a parent's belief, love and confidence her son could do something well, even when other people in the academic world were telling him what he didn't do well.

It was the power of one Mom persevering relentlessly and always saying to her child: "You can and you will if you want to. Don't let what you can't do get in the way of what you already, brilliantly can. Just because you struggled in school does not make you a loser. Just because the teachers didn't understand how you are wired does not make you stupid. I know how you are wired and your brain has trillions of different ways of processing the world around you. If you can find something you love then I will also love it. I will always let you know about your love for swimming as long as it ignites both your head and your heart."

Michael Phelps has a mom who has always believed in his ability to do something well; not everything, but at least one thing. She never gave up letting him know that he won't get satisfaction from trying to making his academic weaknesses stronger. Michael's mom knew you make the most out of life by doing what you love, especially when you already do it well. Think of all the swimmers, musicians, artists, writers, web designers, who may have ADHD and do something well but are directed to spend their focus, time & energy on tasks that play to their weaknesses. Their brains are not getting the nourishment they need. When you have ADHD, you don't gain any kind of momentum, or positive self-esteem by focusing, on what you don't do well. You get ahead in life by focusing on what you already do well and fin ding ways to do it better.

Through the power of his Mom's love and Michael's unrelenting, hyper focus and determination, he transformed his natural swimming talents, into super-human strengths. We were all given the gift of witnessing the greatest swimmer in Olympic history. Thanks Mom!!!!!
(Written by David Giwerc, MCC, ADDCA Founder)

Your Buried Treasure

You have experienced successful, fulfilling events in your life that brought you great joy and strengthened your self-confidence. You know these experiences exist, but you have not visited them for a long time. Unfortunately, they are buried in the depths of your subconscious memory.

Unbeknownst to you, these buried knowings are your personal treasure. They can provide you with a powerful reference, knowledge and experience you can recreate. Knowing that there is a source of success, available to you, will provide you with a stronger sense of confidence and encourage you to take action when entering unknown territory.

Once you have discovered your successful knowings and can excavate them out of the depths of your subconscious, you will find an empowering resource that reveals your strengths, successful systems and strategies that can be incorporated in your life. Your knowings also include the values that motivated you to pursue important objectives. How many experiences do you know of that can give you the confidence to take action and ignite the special sparks in your heart? Discovering and revisiting your buried treasure will empower you to act on important goals that will reveal precious clues aligned with your passion.

Your knowings remind you past success can be recreated; maybe even with better results. What good will your buried knowings do if they remain hidden and concealed?

The following questions can support you in the process of discovering your buried treasure of "knowings":

What experiences in your personal, academic, family, professional or business life have:

• Made you feel good;

• Given you a strong sense of accomplishment;

• Been fulfilling;

• Brought you instant joy

What is the first step you can take to look for your buried treasure?

When is the last time you paid attention to these knowings?

What would happen if you paid more attention to your knowings of success?

Once you discover your inner knowings, you need to identify reminders you can use: a visual, a quote, a word, a song, to remember to focus on your own treasure of knowings.

If you don't pay attention to your buried treasure, it will remain concealed and become your biggest barrier to success. Don't deny yourself your own inner treasure! You have the antidote to stagnation and procrastination, sitting in your mind waiting to be rediscovered and set free!

A Clock That Sticks Anywhere–To Keep You on Track

This is a helpful idea–a clock with a suction cup that you can stick anywhere a suction cup sticks to, especially on your shower door. The Bath Clock is one way to improve your morning routine by supporting your need to keep track of time.

Once you add a new item like a clock to your environment, it's important to create the habit of looking at that clock to help you gauge how long each segment of a task is taking you.

Regularly checking your time as you work through your morning routine will help you manage your time more effectively. It is important to know how much time is needed for each task you do before walking out the door. Let's look at how your morning routine breaks down into measurable segments:

A. What time do you wake up? B. How long to shower and fix your hair? C. How long to get dressed? D. If you are a woman, how long does it take to apply your makeup? E. How long does it take for you to eat breakfast? F. Are there any other people in the house that you are responsible for getting up and out the door in the morning? If so, how long does that process take? Break those steps down too and add up the needed time.

What often gets us off track is our inability to manage our time better–5 minutes in the shower can often turn into 15 minutes or more. With the Bath Clock stuck to your shower wall, you'll stay on track so that you no longer get stuck in the shower, lost in your own thoughts. Here is where you can buy it: http://www.stacksandstacks.com/bath-clock-suction

ADHD Sleep: Sweet Dreams or a Nightmare?

Liz can't sleep at night. She tosses and turns and she isn't alone in her battle to sleep. For many ADHD adults, sleep is a battleground between your overactive mind and your exhausted body. Research shows that people who sleep fewer than seven-and-a-half hours a night are at greater risk for diabetes, obesity and heart disease, and lack of sleep can mimic ADHD symptoms, doubling the ADHD effect for people. ADHD treatment can cause insomnia. Stimulant medications make you alert during the day but keep you awake at bedtime. Doctors often suggest avoiding stimulants late in the day to reduce residual effects, although some doctors prescribe an additional dose of stimulant medication before bedtime to help your ADHD brain focus on the immediate goal: falling asleep. So how can you consistently achieve that "good night's sleep?" An evening ritual can help you transition between activity and rest. Take a warm bath, read a few pages of a boring novel or enjoy some herbal tea. Your sleep environment must be inviting. If a lumpy 20-year-old mattress is keeping you from going to bed, quality bedding will be an investment in better sleep and better health. When your ADHD brain won't shut down, try a "brain dump." Quickly write down all the ideas and worries that are spinning in your head - write fast and furiously for five minutes only. Capturing the ideas on paper frees your mind so you can drift off. Keep the pencil and paper beside your bed to dump any middle-of-the-night brainstorms. If you fall asleep only to wake up an hour or two later, try calm, deep breaths, focusing on the exchange of air, similar to meditation. If you're still awake after 20 minutes, stop the torture. Get out of bed! Listen to soothing music, have a glass of cocoa (warm milk really does help!) or read a magazine until you are drowsy again. Do NOT watch TV or surf the Internet! These electronic devices emit light your brain interprets as "dawn's early light," which signals you to wake up. If you must work on the computer or watch TV in the evening, try blue light blocker screen filters, which cast a warmish, sunset kind of light over the screen. Despite the obstacles, ADHD adults can achieve a good night's sleep. Talk to your doctor to ensure your sleep issues aren't the byproduct of a physical ailment such as sleep apnea. Then try some of the ADHD-friendly suggestions in this article. I hope you can enjoy a good nights sleep!

Make the Wrong Stimuli Less Sticky

In this day of stimulation overload, all of us need to work harder to stay on track. Therefore, those of us who have a harder time filtering out tempting stimuli will stand out from the crowd. Those with ADHD will run into more trouble than most. Their distractibility, disorganization, forgetfulness and impulsivity will be more obvious since their the demands are so much greater.

So how do you get yourself unstuck from all those "wrong" stimuli? There are two basic ways:

Make the Wrong Stimuli Less Sticky

It's easier to be less distracted if there is less distracting you. So get rid of those distractions before they get you. Here are some examples:

• Turn off your phone and email alert when you really need to focus in and get some stuff done.
• Get rid of the clutter where you tend to lose more important things.
• When you have limited time, don't even start those activities that you tend to get lost in.
• Unsubscribe from those email alerts and newsletters that waste your time.

Make the Right Stimuli More Sticky

You're more likely to notice the right thing at the right time if you can make it stand out more. For example:

• Set an alarm to remind you of upcoming appointments or when it's time to start getting ready.
• Use bright colors to draw your eye to the things that you're supposed to pay attention to.
• Put important things in designated places (like right next to the door) to make it easier to see them and more likely that you will bring them with you.

Try to keep these two simple concepts in mind as you go through your day. We're not looking for perfection, just for a way to change the odds to make you more likely to do the right thing at the right time. When you find that you wandered off, take a second to reflect back on what happened. What can you learn from that experience? Is there anything you can do differently next time? Look for those lessons from past failures in order to create more successes in the future!

You Create Your Own Internal Weather

The following article was written by David Giwerc, founder of ADD Coach Academy:

Now that summer time is here, I really appreciate every sunny day we experience.It's so great being able to put on a pair of shorts, a t-shirt and walk barefoot in the backyard. I soak it all in. I know that as the seasons change, we have no control over the drop in temperature, as we get closer to the end of the year.

Living in the Northeast, in January and February can be a very cold, dark time of year. The snow turns to ice or melts into mush and there are fewer hours of available sun.

When you wake up in the morning, and when you return from school or work, the physical darkness permeates everything, everywhere. Is it the physical darkness that causes darkness inside of each one of you? Or can you create a new source of internal sunlight that can dominate the physical darkness outside?

I know lots of people who live in beautiful parts of the country, like California and Florida, where the physical sun is outside every day but they are still dark inside. They don't see both kinds of internal and external beauty.

It certainly does help to live where the weather is nice. It is not the only thing that will keep you feeling good. You are the major source of your own light, not the weather. Some of the best times in my life occurred on dreary, cold days and nights by spending times with good friends or even a good book.

It's really a perception and a focus. No matter where you are, no matter what the weather conditions, you still have the power to create your own internal weather conditions. When you choose good friends and fun, fulfilling things to do, it doesn't matter what the weather is like outside. The weather outside of you is out of your control. Even though it may be very dark or cold outside, there is always the possibility of creating internal light on the inside.

How you perceive the weather outside of you has a big effect on the weather conditions inside of you. Even if the darkness outside is foreboding, you still have the ability to shine.

Loving Ourselves

I have just a few thoughts this evening to share about loving ourselves. We get so busy with our work whether that is organizing, coaching, or whatever we do for a living that we forget what is most important to our lives and our businesses. That most important thing is LOVE. Loving ourselves, our work and those that we serve. So, I want to share some life and business reminders for all of us:

• Don't let anyone feel alone.

• When you are feeling negative - distract yourself!

•Listen to what is NOT being said.

• Recognize your value.

• Recognize the value of others.

• You learn the most from those you least expect to learn from.

•Give your clients what they want - not what they need.

• Tap into your inner child.

•Nothing works when it is out of integrity.

•Remember to love yourself each and every minute of the day.

•Spread that love around.

• Be sure to tell those most important to you how much they mean to you as often as possible.

Benefits of Our Morning Routine

Creating and establishing routines affect people's lives in positive ways. Routines help improve efficiency on one's life and aids in our daily functioning. They help us to know what to do and what to expect. Life is not just one big surprise after another. With a predictable schedule, we offer our kids structure that helps them feel safe and secure.

By building routines we are saying to our family "this is how we do things around here." Routines help to make our daily activities more controlled. This also allows us the time to focus on one task at a time, making activities more manageable.

The family experiences a decrease in stress when everyone knows what is expected of them. Let's take getting up each morning. The way to create an organized process for this is to write out a list of the step-by-step things that one must do to get ready for school or work. Your child can follow this list to understand what has to be done and in what order. Getting up to an alarm the same time each morning, which means going to bed the same time each night is a critical part of this healthy routine.

Post a "wash up" list on the bathroom mirror next to where they get ready. Some of the items on the list will be: Take shower, dry, comb and style hair, get dressed. Have clothes picked out the night before, to make dressing in the morning easier.

Have a set time for eating breakfast and offer healthy choices that you know your kids really like. After breakfast, brush teeth, get backpack that is by the door (with all necessary paperwork already placed inside the day before). To have a place by the door where packed backpacks are stored and coats and other necessary out-the-door items are kept, so that everyone can take what they need from this area and easily leave the house without forgetting important items.

What are some of the routines you've created for yourself and your family?

First Steps To Create Routines For Your Kids

Routines are important for us to have and to create for our kids. If kids have no structure and no routines that they can count on, then chaos will rein supreme in their lives and their homes. When kids with ADHD have no routines, then chaos will surely rein supreme at home and everywhere else.

Kids and adults need structure. They need something they can count on to provide stability in their lives. To create structure in your home, you first need to have the belief that you can commit to creating, supporting and sustaining routines for yourself and your family.

Let's first talk about a morning routine for getting out the door. The first step is to implement a daily family meeting. At this meeting family members discuss what steps need to be taken to gather all necessary items and get out the door each morning. Different tasks are discussed and each family member becomes responsible for their individual tasks. A family calendar/schedule will be created and implemented. Tasks will be written onto the calendar/schedule for each day, along with the name of the person responsible for carrying out the task.

These tasks can be written out step-by-step and the family calendar/schedule will be clearly visible in a central location, like a prominent kitchen wall. If kids are very young, you can add illustrations or photos of the tasks they are responsible for.

Tasks and their steps can be written on brightly colored Post-it® notes and placed on bathroom mirrors, next to light switches, on the inside of the front door, or anywhere you or your child can visibly see the note as a reminder before leaving the house. These notes will serve as visual cues as well as road maps to assist all of you in creating new habits.

Many well-intentioned parents start to establish the structure their kids need. Many may quit after a few weeks or even a few days because the routines are not working. They complain that their child just won't listen. He doesn't want to go along with the new routine. Each day may becomes a struggle. Everyone gets tired of fighting and the parents want to give up.

Usually, routines don't work because parents give up too soon. To make structure really work, routines need to be seen and implemented not just as simple behavioral strategies, but as a way of life.

What have your experiences been when trying to create routines and structure in your life?

Snapping Out of Hyperfocus

This article was written by my colleague Dr. Bobbie Tsukahara, ADD Austin:

The difficulties with concentration and focusing for people with ADD are well known, but the flip side – “hyper-focus” can be just as problematic. Our ability to focus our attention and shift it as required is dependent on the complex orchestration of many processes in the brain.

In the person with ADD, there is a breakdown in this orchestration that leads to dysregulation of the “attention centers” of the brain. This dysregulation is sometimes viewed as a matter of the will, but in fact the ADD brain often needs heightened stimulation (e.g., a high degree of interest or the immediate feedback of a computer game) in order to become engaged. Once engaged, the ADDer may find that breaking out of a highly stimulating activity is also very challenging.

If you find this is the case for you, here are some tips to help you break out:

Identify the specific activities that are frequently problematic for you. What are the “black holes” that pull you in?

Before engaging in the activity, decide how much time you can afford to spend. Be very specific. (E.g., “I can only play this computer game for 30 minutes.”)

Set a timer or alarm that requires you to get up to turn it off. Many newer stoves have such a timer. It should be loud enough and intrusive enough that you cannot ignore it. If you do not own such a timer or alarm, purchase one. It is money very well spent. While you can use your computer’s timer with computer-based activities, these are often too easily dismissed or ignored. You have to know yourself well enough to decide if that will work for you. Here are some links to products that might help you:

The Puzzle Alarm Clock -www.bimbambanana.com/index.php?p=Puzzle-alarm-clock-cool-gadgets&side=visProd&prod_id=21 

Clocky – designed by an MIT student who could not wake up www.nandahome.com

Time IT by Technika – for the computer guru http://www.sperdirect.com/cgi-bin/category.cgi?item=810050

If your activity is computer-based, set your computer to shut down at a specific time, with a pre-set warning. How to do this will depend on the operating system you use. This tip also works well for those of you who stay up too late doing computer-based work or play. For Windows XP go to:www.winxptutor.com/schsd.htm.

Ask a friend who is sensitive to your ADD to call you at a specific time. Use this wisely because it can lead to resentments. As a general rule, I strongly recommend that you do not ask a parent or spouse to play this role. It has the potential to put too much strain on the relationship.

If you have found other tricks that work for you, please send them to me at: mailto:rlyman@ahelpinghandforyou.com. I’m always for new strategies to share with my clients.